Now, I have to say I was really fortunate at the time to have a close-knit crew of friends. YJ was the Neal Cassady of the bunch, a handsome Korean kid who I regarded as an older brother of sorts -- a surburban cowboy who prided himself in doing the opposite of what was expected of him. Eli was two years our junior and always invited himself along to whatever it was that we would be doing. If we were heading over to Dharma, he would jump in the backseat. If we bought a pack of Marlboros, he'd be the first to bum one. One particular afternoon, the three of us hatched a plan --- one that I swear the devil inspired. I mentioned, rather off-handedly, that prom was coming soon. While none of us had given much thought to going (c'mon, bad ass boys just didn't do that prom thing and besides, Eli was still a sophomore), I thought it worth mentioning. I think it was YJ who initiated the "what-if" conversation that eventually spawned our devious plan. YJ asked me who I would ask out to prom if I were to attend. Well, given that my four year crush on Kelly Vonderpark was over, I would naturally choose Laura Goldstein. Laura was the object of lust and affection for many of the boys in the drama wing, much to the chagrin of the other thespian ladies.
"You can't ask Laura Goldstein," Eli objected.
"Why not?"
"She's a sophomore."
"So?"
"And she's Jewish."
"So?"
"Well... if anyone should ask her, I should ask her," Eli protested.
"But you're a sophomore. You can't go to SENIOR prom, Eli!"
"What makes you think she'll go out with you?"
"Dude, Eli -- if the both of you asked her out, you really think she would choose you?" YJ pointed out.
"What are you saying? Are you saying that she would choose him over me?"
"Dude, if all three of us asked, she would choose either of us before she goes with you."
Eli stared at us as though we had been smoking crack. So I did what any respectable man of 17 years would do. I settled the entire ordeal with a bet, a bet that would make Zach Morris and A.C. Slater proud.
"Let's all ask her out."
There was a brief pause as YJ and Eli considered this. Then...
"Aw, yeah!"
"Righteous!"
"You're on."
"What do we win?"
I thought hard about this one. What prize could possibly equate with the honor of bringing Laura Goldstein to senior prom? Hmm... oh, of course --
"Each loser buys the winner a pack of cigarettes of his choice."
"Deal," both responded. And with a round of firm handshakes, the bet was on. The rules were simple, we would all ask Laura to senior prom. The man whose invite she accepted would also be the recipient of fine tobacco. Visions of Davidoff Magnums, Chesterfield Kings and Lucky Strikes ashed through my head.
My plan was simple. I would pop the question before the school assembly the next day. In that way, I wouldn't have to go find her at her locker. There would be a school-sanctioned reason for all grades to be in one place.
And when I did, it was much simpler than I thought. This coming from someone who up until that point had never asked anyone out -- be it a dinner date or a study date. And here I was asking Laura Goldstein, the cutest girl who would let me come within a five foot radius of her, to the senior prom. It went something like this:
"Hey, Laura."
"Hey, D."
"What are you doing on Saturday, May 10?"
"Isn't that your prom?"
"Yup. I wanted to know if anyone has asked you to go with them yet."
"No."
"Oh, good. Cause I wanted to know if you'd like to go with me."
"Really? Um... yes. Yes. I mean, I'd have to check with my mom, but yes."
"Okay... very cool."
That was it. And it was very cool. Only it wasn't. Cause I immediately felt like a real asshole. I had successfully asked Laura Goldstein to prom and it had this ugly bet attached to it. But there was time. I could call it off. All I had to do was find Eli and YJ and tell them that Laura was going to prom with me and they could just chew it.
But before I could find Eli, he had found Laura and asked her himself. Laura told him that I had already invited her and he backed off. YJ didn't even try. Both boys acknowledged that I was the victor and promised to purchase the aforementioned cigarettes. But I let them off the hook. To collect would be to cement the fact that all of this was for show. And that's the sad part -- it really wasn't. I really liked Laura. And because of that, it didn't take long for things to unravel.
I called Laura a couple of days later to chat about nothing the way boys who crush on girls do. I did it from the payphone at Dharma, sitting atop a couple of stacked milk crates (oh yeah, that's love, baby). We talked about our days and she said that she had mentioned prom to her mom and that she would think about it (understandably, seeing as her daughter was going to accompany a dashing upperclassman to senior prom where all sorts of sinful things happen before, during and after). And then she dropped it:
"I heard about your bet."
"What?"
"Yup."
"Who told you?"
"That's not important. What kind of ridiculous bet was that?"
And that's when the guilty, recovering Catholic took over. I told her that it didn't originally start as a bet. That it was a real crush and that I was with my boys and that did something funny in a man. And that once she said yes, I regretted it immediately and would give anything to turn back the clock and laugh at the mere notion of something so insultingly stupid.
"Um... I wasn't talking about that bet." Laura interjected.
A long pause followed after that. And soon after that long pause, we hung up.
Needless to say, Laura didn't go to prom with me. No one went to prom with me. And I didn't ask anybody either. YJ went to prom... the year after he graduated. Eli went to prom... when he finally became a senior. Laura most definitely went to prom. Probably two of them. And what was I doing on Saturday, May 10? Most likely, I was smoking cigarettes, sipping coffee and dreaming of lives bigger than mine. Do I regret not going? Nah... unless writing this blog entry means anything.
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